Cloudy Days to Remember….
POETRY
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Where is that time, that memory of a place so long away, I wish it could be more than fragments of detail... I was so young that place I lost my innocence I want to go back just to see why it went the way it did and how I really felt about doing the things I did... Not regret but a wonder of why so young did it happen to me... 8 or 9 I was he was older as I recall, maybe it shouldn't have been but it was no denying this truth... I am older now maybe wiser in some ways but I'll never understand what happened to me way back then way back when my childish days ended in such a way
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My hands in my pockets searching for the keys to a door I have never seen waiting for you to reply to me... you see so much but you never look again what a mess my life has become you just move on to leave me alone... I see many people they never see me but I don't care for the fame just the freedom to be more than I ever can as I am now...
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Lines under my eyes trying to stay awake but I don't know why there's no reason for me to care for you or anyone... I want the truth but these lies come so easily I want a life of love but it never comes so easily waking up from a dream frightened me so I couldn't sleep said your name out loud just to hear myself speak waiting for the sun to rise I see you in the shadows of my daily times you watching me though you never know I know you think of me when the lights dim low... Sweat on my brow can't find a how to a way to make you mine all I know is I've got the time just make up your mind you don't have to wake me when I cannot sleep...
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I keep waiting for you the one true love to appear in my life but I am still alone and you are still not here... Since I can recall I have desired for someone to fill a void that a guy can only fill... I need to be held I need to be touched I need so much and you're the one that can give me all of this...
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I knew you then those years ago and now time has left us distant and alone, where has the time gone we were once friends and so much more we shared so much those times in your bed you're still in my head in my heart until the day I depart... I loved you so maybe I still do though I know we'll never be us again... I sleep at night I dream of those days moments of love and lust where do they merge... Where have you gone, I've been looking for you but at times I think I'll never see you again... I miss those times not all but some like when in your bed kissing you or just being next to you your lips your chest as we'd rest so close together while time went on and now here we are alone and distant why did it have to be that way?
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Waiting watching time keeps passing... Wanting more getting whatever you can from a system that wants to bring you down... So you're different, who isn't, they want you to be someone you can never be... So a boy likes a boy or a girl likes a girl why should love be so narrow to exclude... Love comes as it does in what form is not for us or anyone to say...
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They strike again and again they keep giving us lies but the truth is so clear, they kill and kill women and children and we never ask why... Is this over someone they want returned or is that an excuse to kill... Our government is fond of killers throughout the ages we have turned our backs to the true suffering or even help in the destruction of people when we're after something they have got... this government is full of lies full of those that murder women and children they need to be stopped, but who will stop those in power?
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I see the differences between you and I and I wonder why there's so much no time to wait change must be like a new beginning to rise from these ashes... I declare my freedom from those that'd keep me in this isolation with my voice silent they fear our differences coming together they fear our unity becasue divided they rule us... Where do we sit, in the past we can look for a motivation to end this violence for a greater peace... Love is the answer don't be confused love is all you need don't be amused by the games they play the lies they keep producing... Why is it wrong to love why do they care so much who we marry? Are they jealous of a love some of us have? So what if it's with the same sex, should that matter don't you have your own life to live instead of controlling the lives of others... Are you so ignorant so messed up that to ruin our lives with your hate is all that you have to cling to.... End this hate you the ignorant...
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Who am I? Who have I become? looking back, days of youth they're gone but I still remember how I felt those times when I was so much thinner... I was so skinny not that I am fat now just not as slim as then...
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Today I sit alone wondering where they have gone watching and waiting not knowing.... Been single for so long is it me or am I wrong why am I still alone... Woke up from a dream made me want to scream made me want to cry just to keep asking why... Never had a boyfriend not in the sense of someone I've really met when the long distance isn't real enough for me can't you see I need you I don't need to be alone...
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I walk through so many doors hoping the next one will be the right one, but each door keeps leading me to the same thing... a conclusion that I have long found that fame and glory will come my way but in a distant time so I wait for that day waiting for when I will be recognized for the gifts and talents I have to offer... I am not religious cause religions are about bragging rights and I know I don't need to brag... What I've got is the real thing no imitation...
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Dust gathers on the shelves the lawn hides the steps to the porch the windows are boarded and this house keeps on dancing each wind you'd think it come crashing but it keeps on lasting... A room is where we'll be getting naked and making this house dance with our rhythm... We go at it like rabbits he keeps me wanting more just because he needs all he can get... no complaints from me as we're romancing making the neighbors question are they gay or is it a new religion we keep practicing this until we are like one a body moving as one deep inside him his back is sweating but I love it this closeness makes me want him I press myself against him he says it feels good so I thrust and he squeezes... Do we need practice, no we don't, but we keep up the practice because we can and it's fun...
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I hear the beat music loud this scene is me and I want to live out loud... Hot guys as far as I can see they keep me moving to the rhythm they keep me dancing and grinding all night long... do you hear me now, will I go home with you how will the night go are you a bottom 'cause I'm a top what are your sizes and will it fit in my mouth... Do I tease when I touch you there on the dance floor... the time is right and we just might forget our worries for a hot night like this...
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Those dreams keep me here hoping that you'll change wanting you to come back so we can be us once again... I watched you walk away didn't know what to say is it over or is there still hope, what boys dream of for so long is what fills me now with a longing I need you next to me right now our bodies pressed together now my arms wrapped tightly around feeling of every inch of you now... I need you more than you'll ever know your body makes me want to know you in ways that no one else knows you... You tempt me with your walk this view from behind makes me want you on top of me as I become a part of you... Dreams are what I have; a fantasy won't part when I know soon it'll be more than me dreaming of paradise...
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Those dreams keep me here hoping that you'll change wanting you to come back so we can be us once again... I watched you walk away didn't know what to say is it over or is there still hope, what boys dream of for so long is what fills me now with a longing I need you next to me right now our bodies pressed together now my arms wrapped tightly around feeling of every inch of you now... I need you more than you'll ever know your body makes me want to know you in ways that no one else knows you... You tempt me with your walk this view from behind makes me want you on top of me as I become a part of you... Dreams are what I have; a fantasy won't part when I know soon it'll be more than me dreaming of paradise...
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I walk through the door waiting for the score, what game are you playing now can we ever be more than just friends... Maybe we'll just hook up always time for sex with a hot guy like you... I thought to day of my life and I started to say that it's not what I thought it'd be but it's not that bad... Maybe being gay makes it tough haters so ignorant they're just jealous and know that they want guys as bad as I... Why do I try so hard to find the right guy when I have so much more important matters to think about....
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Walking through the snow to reach another show while this girl she waits for me she'll soon be here with me her on her knees doing what she's always wanted to do to me... I have waited so long hard and so annoyed watching the telephone but no one ever calls and I know why... So what if I am gay I like to suck dick I am who I am so if you don't like me go somewhere else when you need head cause I need more than just sex though I wish I had some now... Wait did I just write what I wrote can I be so up front so honest with you... I feel so alone I need a guy to hold me in his arms maybe we'd be naked but that would just add to the mood... I have been this way since I was eight or nine so don't tell me that it's just a phase or a choice I made because you're just jealous of what I've got a nice dick and guys wanting to be with me... I hate these lines why do they think I'm so hot when I am not.... So horny now if only a guy would find his way to my bed now...
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I see no way out no reason to go back to the way I was no excuses not to be the person I was always meant to be... I saw you there looking at me I wish you were that kind of guy we could have so much fun you and I in so many ways you just don't realize you need a guy to fill the void in your life... I fell on the way down saw to my surprise the fall was not that bad just the regret for not doing more to be with you... Just another crush I confess it won't be the last so I will survive... I watch them from their heads to their ummm... I would do so much for them if only they'd ask me too no qualms about going down on a straight guy as long as that's all it is I can do that.... My hormones rush why can't I think about anything except sucking a dick....
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A song plays on the radio but all I hear is your voice calling me back again... you remind me of what should have been how I wish my life could have went but those days are gone time to move on and hope things will only get better from here...
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Days spent wishing it could be better sweat dripping as the weather reminds us how it is to be us, stuck in these places praying for days days when we're living better... maybe being rich is not the solution but when you're us you don't know the difference... We live each day, no matter what they say hopeful that someday soon we'll meet that right person to complete our lives but until then all we have are our dreams... We search the heavens at night so many stars to wish upon so many dreams filling us with hope when our lives are filled with so much despair... I sit hopeful that I am not yet forgotten that there's someone out there to fill that void are you there? Do you hear me? Am I the one you desire? Maybe you'll be the one to take me from this misery... I am not perfect... I am not ignorant... so maybe things don't work out the way they should... and if you are there young and thinking you're alone you're not you're not the only one...
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What if I really cared would you really know, I don't so why don't you go and leave me alone.... To anyone that hates what makes you so special that you can say anything are you better than anyone is that what you think? I sit here alone not really sad I don't always mind being alone I just hate it when it's all about sex, even if my hormones rage I still want friends who are that just friends... Maybe I am dreaming 'cause these words there what I am really feeling no lie to ease the pain of this solitude no reason to go on but the things that drive me and sex is not one of these so get it out of your mind that what I am about happens in a bed because you don't know me no one really knows me but that's ok I still love you all anyway...
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The clock keeps reminding me, time passing keeps me awake, these dreams won't leave me I have a reason for being that keeps me moving on though these times are confusing... I walk through this room you watch me go through and you never say a word though you like me as more than a friend... If you really like me let me know so I can be filled with joy for this love is what I need the most...
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I saw you standing, it was then I knew I wanted your body, you smiled but you don't know who I am... I watched you walk, every step you took every step away from me but I never gave up hope that you'd be mine one day...
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One day I dreamt of so much ahead, hope for a coming hour hope for a future unknown... That was so long ago time has gone and now I wonder when those dreams will be more than hope for that I cannot see...
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Mile after mile roads that go nowhere and here I am alone again wishing I could apologize for the way I've been... The sun at my back a new tomorrow ahead just one thing on my mind and that's when you'll come back to me... Wishing on a star so many in the sky, wishing I had more time to tell you how much you mean to me....
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We were friends, where have you gone, I miss you so.... I wonder sometimes if things would have been different if you lived down the block but you don't and I haven't heard from you in so long... I miss you, your voice us chatting and the hope that we'd be more than friends that we'd meet one day....
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I say good-bye to those I knew wondering what now that I'm alone, where do I go from here leaving the certain behind for so many dreams ahead... Waves crash against the rocks is that my body being crushed or is it the weight of the world lifted from my head being tossed by the sea... What can I do with something so uncertain when I need a foundation a rock to build my life upon... I know I have him that saves but these doubts they don't fade and when Love is all you need the more you get the stronger you will be... What do I say where do I go from here is it too late to tell you that I love you and that I need you... How can I let go it's so hard to be me when I need you so... what has become of me alone when the world has come to be such a large place me surrounded by the unknown holding onto all this that I know... Where do we go when these waves keep coming and this hope seems so distant promises kept this I know but when you doubt it's a showing of love you need the most....
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You think I'm lovely but I don't think the same, my looks are not that great and I am just trying to be myself... I look out these windows now to find a place in this hectic world, a place to be and not just to be alone but a place to be with the person I love...
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I walk these streets, just about every night waiting for you to return... you sing to me a song that makes me want to make love to you your voice is so sweet it makes me crave you ever more... my blood rushes my mind fills with the things we could do if only you'd come back again... waiting is such a pain my every longs for all of you so many inches to devour I cannot hold out long for a taste of you... These hours are passing now is it now that you'll come back to me naked in my arms so we can make my bed ours with this love I have to share....
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I watch the crowds gathering around her, she looks my way comes to me just to say she has a thing for me... We walk to her car she leads me where I need to be a place I wish I could always be... she lets me know her more than anyone has ever known her before, she knows how to make me feel when I all I need to feel is her...
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I am waiting for you to come around, no talking about the way things were it's time to get things on let's get this started now no waiting around for something else... What do you see in me I know what I see in you, you have revealed so much yet there's so much more I need what you keep from me is what I need the most....
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Waiting for the ending of a movie that never ends, in a line that goes forever and when you get there there's nothing but another line... Where do you go when it hurts, the pain subsides only for the shortest times, days go by and you feel so alone wait that's me and I feel so alone I need someone to come and save me from my everyday and be my hero save me from all of my misery... I take the shuttle listen to the Gorillaz watch Desperate Housewives wanting so much more from life when all I get is so much stress bring me down can you come and take me from this life I'm living and make a new life for me...